


Midnight Thoughts

by WolvesOnCaffeine



Series: Dream SMP One-Shots [5]
Category: Dream SMP (Roleplay Canon), Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Ficlet, M/M, Not RPF, One Shot, Pre-Manberg-Pogtopia War on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:21:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28511085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolvesOnCaffeine/pseuds/WolvesOnCaffeine
Summary: A week into his time at Pogtopia, Quackity found himself talking out his thoughts in his room. Thoughts he could never voice to the person they were meant for.
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity/Jschlatt
Series: Dream SMP One-Shots [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2058777
Comments: 3
Kudos: 53





	Midnight Thoughts

"I don't have the courage to stop loving you."

The words had slipped out during yet another lonely night, hidden in his stone room in a ravine he shouldn't have ever had to call home. Tears dripped down Quackity's cheeks, even as he hated himself for them. Hated himself for the tears, the words, his _mind._ Just... hated himself, for the pathetic mess of a person he had become. Sitting alone in a near-abandoned ravine late at night, not sleeping but contemplating everything that had brought him to this point.

"I hate you, you know," he spoke again, _knowing_ he was talking to empty air, but not caring at all. Schlatt wouldn't have listened if he was there, anyway, so at least this way, he was allowed to finish his sentence. "I do. I wish I had never met you. You were- Before you, I didn't know what falling in love _was_. But you- You just had to come in and fuck everything up, didn't you?"

His broken laugh turned into a sob, as he found himself hugging his knees for just a scrap of comfort. He was still wearing the suit he had on when he was kicked out- when he _left._ He couldn't make himself take it off. 

"I- Dammit, Schlatt, I would have followed you _anywhere._ You just had to _ask._ But you couldn't do that, could you? You had to- You had to take control and destroy _everything_ before we even had the chance to built something great. I hate you. I do hate you. I _should_ hate you. You're- You're _terrible_. You're literally- You're what destroyed the country!"

Quackity shook with the force of his tears, angry words bouncing off the walls and cocooning him in their emotion. Phantom bruises stung his skin, a million reasons for why he should never care about that man again carved into his skin. But the betrayal and heartache carved their way into his heart, and he couldn't help but long for what he could never have and what he's lost.

"But I- Fuck, Schlatt, I _loved you._ I would have done _anything_ for you. I- I wish I was strong enough to swear you off."

He looked at the ceiling, tears running waterfalls down his cheeks, falling on the once-nice material of his suit. Not so nice anymore- Probably a metaphor.

"I- Fuck... Even though I've left, I don't think I could ever say- I don't think I could ever say I _don't_ love you. And I hate you for it."

But more than he hated Schlatt... He hated himself.


End file.
